Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
