I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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