my vag is so smooth its legendary
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
