I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
