I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
