But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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