we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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