I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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