She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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