i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
