Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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