i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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