Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
