I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
