sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
