I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
