Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Me too!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
