Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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