Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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