u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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