remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize