3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize