Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
