I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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