Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
