and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
