and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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