I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
