you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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