The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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