better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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