I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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