cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
