I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
