at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize