So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
