I'm pants shitting drunk right now
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
