Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
