this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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