1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
