i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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