Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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