i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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