Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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