Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
