Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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