Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
