just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
