It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
