I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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