a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
