At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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