i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
