Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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