Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
