I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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