No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
