I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize