we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
