they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
