I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
