Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
