just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
