Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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