Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
