So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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