Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
