I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
