she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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