No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
