Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
