Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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