so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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