Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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