it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
