And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
