Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
